Kissing 2017 Goodbye
2016 was one of the worst years of my life. I can honestly say my whole life was in shambles. I went from having everything I thought I needed to be whole to then having it all taken away from me. I found myself in Quarter Two of 2016 depressed. I truly did not know how I was going to "bounce back."
Of course, 2016 had to end even worse. I had definitely reached a new rock bottom. As I got ready to go out for the first time last New Year's Eve I thought to myself, "I can only go up from here." See, that is the thing about hitting the bottom the only way you can go is up.
When 2017 started, I told myself that I would no longer allow anything to come between me and my joy. In the first quarter, I was all about coming back to myself. Reuniting. I did this as I prepared to move onto a new chapter in my life known as post-grad. Hearing those around me getting ready for grad school (which I just simply can not afford) and corporate jobs (the jobs I keep getting denied of). I soon noticed my reuniting with myself turn into why am I not ____, smart enough, pretty enough, good enough, the right for the job, have more money etc. I found myself parting from my dreams because the course to fulfill them didn't look like those around me.
I was stressed to say the least when they called my name during graduation. I had no clue what was next for me but I knew my purpose. I knew that I wanted to devote my life to helping others. But how will I turn my purpose into something that can help me sustain myself? Also, while all of this is going on I feel myself growing apart from half of my friends. I remember one day saying, "if this is adult-ing i don't want it." The friends I do have don't live in the same state as me and I was truly getting lonely. Getting clients through an agency and working from home as become my life. Post-grad, right?
I remember I just got so caught up in the motions of doing. Then, one day I was hanging out with my friend Taylor Stewart that I met through an event my org, JOYDAY MOVEMENT, had in collaboration with her at Morehouse College. She told me that with anything there will be a learning curve. Not only will there be a learning curve but my life won't look like those around me because what God has for me isn't the same as what God has for those around me.
Then, I changed my perspective. When 2017 started, I wanted to reunite with myself. And I have done that and more. I went to Cuba and learned so much while being there. I was able to host mental health discussions through my organization where I was allowed to not only learn more but heal myself. In the same moment, I was able to help others reunite with their minds. The mind is so important.
I was able to get paid to share my story with people who are now where I once was. And that is a dream beyond my wildest imagination that God would use me to do all of these things.
My life may not look like me waking up every morning to go to an office but my life is mine. I love it, I love how I can help others each and everyday through design + my organization. I am loving this next chapter.
I am not where I want to end up but if I were where I am going to one day be then my work on this earth would be done. I will continue to heal, in 2018. Learn to unlearn and become to un-become. But through it all, I will always be imperfectly me.